Sunday, April 16, 2006

Mind your Ps and Qs

As with some of my other posts, this will be two-fold.

The first reason I request that you mind your Ps and Qs, is because RUSSIANS DON'T FUCK AROUND.

They're not burdened by silly things like "human rights" and whatnot. Whenever there's a hostage situation in Russia, I think to myself, "This isn't going to turn out well." It doesn't matter if it involves children or concert goers or whatever, we all know that there's gonna be some serious carnage.

The reason I bring this up is because of a photograph I stumbled upon in a book. The book was written in Chinese, which I can't read, so what the text surrounding the photograph was talking about was left completely up to my imagination. I took a picture of the photograph with my cell phone camera, and now I will share it with you.



This picture is absolutely amazing to me. Let's notice some obvious things about it.

  • He's airborne

    The man is being kicked in the side so hard, that he is actually off of his feet. He's in the air. Whoever took this picture must have been a helluva photographer, because they got it at the instant of impact. The kickee hasn't even had a chance to double over in pain. I'm also going to go out on a limb and say the dude got a running start for the kick.

  • He's blindfolded

    Maybe as part of Russian hand-to-hand combat training, you have to put on a blindfold and let some guy run up to you and kick you.

  • The two guys kneeling

    There are two guys on either side who appear to be "taking a knee". I'll assume they're taking a knee because some guy just ran up to them and side-kicked them in the ribs.

    Maybe this was some sort of demonstration, because there's a crowd hanging out in the background.

    "And now, for our next feat of mindless cruelty, Dmitri is going to knock a blindfolded Chechen off of his feet."

    So back to minding your Ps and Qs.. That's a saying that I'm very fond of. Mind your pints and quarts. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, etc..

    Anyway, we all know what it's like to wish we had said something after the fact. "Wow, I wish I could have come up with that back then!"

    So last night, Drewski and I were watching one of our friends talk to easily the hottest Jamaican woman that I've ever seen. Drew was making some inappropriate comment and I was giggling, and she totally busted us out. She walked over with our friend and demanded to know what we were talking about. We played dumb, but she refused to leave. Finally, Drewski had enough and said, "You've been a real pain in the ass tonight," because she's a bit of a princess. And rude. She shot back with some blahblahblah comment and looked at me to see what I had to say, to which I responded in a very pleasant manner:

    You oughtta mind your Ps and Qs, because you won't be able to pull this shit off in 10 years.

    To my surprise, she laughed. It would have easily gone the other way, resulting in me getting smacked. I think it's really important to say stuff like that to uppity gorgeous women. Some people might say, "It's no wonder you don't score any hot chicks" or "That's not a good way to win hot chicks over" or whatever.

    Let's be honest. There's a reason I don't have models all up on my shit. Hot chicks like that don't dig on guys like me. They dig on guys like my friend, who is rich. I can't give them expensive bags and stuff, I can only give them rude comments, filthy language, and questionable behavior. That's what I have to offer. I know for a fact that there are hot chicks out there who find rude comments, filthy language, and questionable behavior charming and entertaining, so I'll stick to them.

    In the mean time, let's all mind our Ps and Qs, and do our part in taking some uppity bitches down a notch or two.
  • 12 Comments:

    Blogger Consul-At-Arms said...

    Nice post, I've linked to you here: http://consul-at-arms.blogspot.com/2006/04/re-mind-your-ps-and-qs.html

    7:25 AM  
    Blogger brando said...

    It looks like the dude has locked his body. "You better lock yer freakin dagone body." *horrible kick to the ribs* Maybe that's their version of LINE training and saftey was on the defender. It was really the kickee's fault for not providing the proper saftey.

    2:11 PM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    Wow, I haven't thought about that in a long time. Can you imagine?

    OKAY 'CRUITS. THE NEXT MOVE WE WILL BE PRACTICING IN MY DOJO IS.....BLINDFOLD/SIDE KICK BODY HARDENING! AAAH-UUU-AHHH! WHEN I TELL YOU TO MOVE.....WHEN...I....TELL....YOU....TO....MOVE.....DEFENDER WILL PLACE A MOTIVATED BLINDFOLD...ON HIS GRAPE, JUST LIKE SO, UNNA-STAM-MEE??
    MOVE!
    GET BACK..
    MOVE!
    WHEN I TELL YOU TO MOVE, THE ATTACKER WILL TAKE 5 30-INCH STEPS AWAY FROM THE DEFENDER, AND WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE KNOCK THE DEFENDER OFF HIS FEET USING THE RUNNING-JUMP SIDE-KICK METHOD. SAFETY'S ON THE DEFENDER. BASIC WARRIOR STANCE!
    ......AAAAAND MOVE!

    2:29 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hey paul, isnt that how the ern dog was training you? james

    1:27 AM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    I've never actually seen a woman comment on your blog.

    Strange.

    5:15 AM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    P.S. Bing West also wrote a pretty good book on Iraq called "The March Up", and one that's supposed to be a classic about Vietnam called "The Village".

    5:21 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    james: yes. i was standing there wincing at one point as he repeatedly did a ridge-hand sawing motion across matt's neck over and over to "demonstrate," and matt had to ask him to stop cuz he was about to throw up. on another occasion, we were outside the building and matt's eye was screwed up. i said, "u ok?" and he said "ern stabbed me in the eye with a toothbrush in the office."

    poor matt.

    jinxystan: thanks for the book info (as always)

    7:20 AM  
    Blogger brando said...

    I Iraq we were tasked as "CAP" or Combined Action Program, just like in The Village. So they made it manditory reading during our work up. In that book, they get jacked up! And were like "Um, maybe this isn't so moto."

    7:34 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    I was confused for a moment, because I thought you were referring to The Village, by M Night Shamalamadingdong.

    8:05 AM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    Do you moto?

    10:27 AM  
    Blogger brando said...

    Yes. When we were in Iraq, we had to watch out for the red robed porcupine men. It was exactly like the vietnam book about a frontier society and the suits filled with mongloids.

    10:48 AM  
    Anonymous Sarma said...

    Hi Paully.... I find your rudeness, crudeness, and plain ol' shit talking fantastic.

    AND....Russians are nucking futs.

    Miss ya.
    Sarma

    P.S. You should post a picture of me and write a blog about how rad I am, since I can't anymore :(

    10:59 AM  

    Post a Comment

    << Home