Hur mår ni? Vad sägs om en kopp kaffe, hemma hos mig...

I always wanted to go to Sweden. Especially Stockholm. I hear Stockholm is really nice. I can't stop thinking about that place... It's almost like I'm afflicted with something...Some kinda syndrome. Weird.

So this morning I'm sitting on my couch in my underoos enjoying my daily breakfast burrito of 6 egg whites, turkey cold cuts, and a sprinkling of mozzarella cheese. I flip on GMA and was pleased to learn that Ms Jill Carroll was released by her Iraqi captors!

However..... No matter how hard I try, I can't wrap my mind around her comments during the interview. She really wanted the world to know that her captives were A-ok folks -- really gentle, kind, stand-up guys who let her go potty and take showers. Model terrorists. Is the whole "missing the forest for the trees" just an American thing? Cuz she said some shit that really made me say "...huh"

For example:
I was treated very well!

...huh...You mean...like....aside from being kidnapped....right?

They never threatened to hit me!

...huh...cuz they were telling the entire world that they were going to kill you......but they didn't threaten to hit you! Good, good.

Change gears.

Sometimes I have a little switch inside my head that, when flipped, makes me hate someone. These comments really flipped my "dipshit lever" for a number of reasons. Sending a naive 28 year old woman into a war zone full of Muslim extremists is a really brilliant fucking idea. Even though she's been over there for a few years, she obviously has no concept of a bigger picture, and obviously thinks that the world revolves around her. Newsflash: It's not about you. It's not about your stupid career. It's about your family who was put through this whole ordeal. It's about you being used in an attempt to undermine the country that granted you the privilege (NOT the right, I don't care what anyone says) to practice free press, and most importantly and which you didn't seem to emphasize much in the interview, it's about your interpreter they shot in the head and discarded like a dog. What about him? How did he enjoy his captivity in the Baghdad Hilton? Oh, never mind, he never got a chance to bask in the world renowned Iraqi Terrorist Hospitality.

Watching this spoiled little brat on the TV going on and on about how wonderful her captives were damn near resulted in a TV covered with flour tortilla, egg white, and cheese. Yeah, it's official. You're taking crazy pills. I never thought I'd want to choke someone unconscious with their headscarf. Not a mention about the interpreter. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. It seemed a little unusual, considering what she wrote about him here. Maybe she was traumatized or whatever, but she seemed pretty chipper in the interview. And who knows, maybe she's right. Here's a picture she took of her captors.

Here's what I'm hoping:
...that she mentioned something about her interpreter getting murdered, but the news people in Iraq cut it out for personal/political reasons. That's what I'm hoping. But she sure as fuck didn't seem to hold it against her captors. They're cool in her book.

Ok, so the bigger question on my mind is whether or not the significance of this will be lost on our friendly terrorists in Iraq. I think it will, but I'm going to try and help them out a little bit. I already know I have terrorists reading my stuff, so maybe he can pass this on to his homies:

Habibis,
If you haven't noticed, Jill thinks you guys are really swell, and so do I! So why stop there? Here's what you can do:

Kidnap journalists who are really big on your plight (should be easy to find) and cut them off from their families, friends, etc

Murder their terp right in front of them (as long as they're an Iraqi Christian!)

Don't threaten to hit them, but feel free to tell the world that you're going to murder them if the USA doesn't meet an outrageous demand, and distribute a film of them begging for their life. Nothin' spells "humane treatment" like an internationally televised humiliation session!!

Let them crap, take showers, and give them icecream. Puppy play time would be a major plus.

Release them after 80+ days

If you follow those simple steps, you will soon find yourself with an army of Iraqi loyalists with some serious Baghdad street cred who are beyond the reproach of the US neocon-media, and readily embraced by the left. I'd also like to give you guys a "big ups" for timing this just as the left is wiping their hands of Sheehan -- with her off the blotter there's a new Iraqi rep in town, and Allah knows she ain't camera shy! Your cool points just increased three-fold in the US, so keep up the good work and continue to not behead people you kidnap!!

You guys are the best.

Signed,
Yankee Mike