Friday, March 31, 2006

Hur mår ni? Vad sägs om en kopp kaffe, hemma hos mig...


I always wanted to go to Sweden. Especially Stockholm. I hear Stockholm is really nice. I can't stop thinking about that place... It's almost like I'm afflicted with something...Some kinda syndrome. Weird.

So this morning I'm sitting on my couch in my underoos enjoying my daily breakfast burrito of 6 egg whites, turkey cold cuts, and a sprinkling of mozzarella cheese. I flip on GMA and was pleased to learn that Ms Jill Carroll was released by her Iraqi captors!

However..... No matter how hard I try, I can't wrap my mind around her comments during the interview. She really wanted the world to know that her captives were A-ok folks -- really gentle, kind, stand-up guys who let her go potty and take showers. Model terrorists. Is the whole "missing the forest for the trees" just an American thing? Cuz she said some shit that really made me say "...huh"

For example:
I was treated very well!

...huh...You mean...like....aside from being kidnapped....right?

They never threatened to hit me!

...huh...cuz they were telling the entire world that they were going to kill you......but they didn't threaten to hit you! Good, good.

Change gears.

Sometimes I have a little switch inside my head that, when flipped, makes me hate someone. These comments really flipped my "dipshit lever" for a number of reasons. Sending a naive 28 year old woman into a war zone full of Muslim extremists is a really brilliant fucking idea. Even though she's been over there for a few years, she obviously has no concept of a bigger picture, and obviously thinks that the world revolves around her. Newsflash: It's not about you. It's not about your stupid career. It's about your family who was put through this whole ordeal. It's about you being used in an attempt to undermine the country that granted you the privilege (NOT the right, I don't care what anyone says) to practice free press, and most importantly and which you didn't seem to emphasize much in the interview, it's about your interpreter they shot in the head and discarded like a dog. What about him? How did he enjoy his captivity in the Baghdad Hilton? Oh, never mind, he never got a chance to bask in the world renowned Iraqi Terrorist Hospitality.

Watching this spoiled little brat on the TV going on and on about how wonderful her captives were damn near resulted in a TV covered with flour tortilla, egg white, and cheese. Yeah, it's official. You're taking crazy pills. I never thought I'd want to choke someone unconscious with their headscarf. Not a mention about the interpreter. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. It seemed a little unusual, considering what she wrote about him here. Maybe she was traumatized or whatever, but she seemed pretty chipper in the interview. And who knows, maybe she's right. Here's a picture she took of her captors.

Here's what I'm hoping:
...that she mentioned something about her interpreter getting murdered, but the news people in Iraq cut it out for personal/political reasons. That's what I'm hoping. But she sure as fuck didn't seem to hold it against her captors. They're cool in her book.

Ok, so the bigger question on my mind is whether or not the significance of this will be lost on our friendly terrorists in Iraq. I think it will, but I'm going to try and help them out a little bit. I already know I have terrorists reading my stuff, so maybe he can pass this on to his homies:

Habibis,
If you haven't noticed, Jill thinks you guys are really swell, and so do I! So why stop there? Here's what you can do:
  • Kidnap journalists who are really big on your plight (should be easy to find) and cut them off from their families, friends, etc
  • Murder their terp right in front of them (as long as they're an Iraqi Christian!)
  • Don't threaten to hit them, but feel free to tell the world that you're going to murder them if the USA doesn't meet an outrageous demand, and distribute a film of them begging for their life. Nothin' spells "humane treatment" like an internationally televised humiliation session!!
  • Let them crap, take showers, and give them icecream. Puppy play time would be a major plus.
  • Release them after 80+ days

    If you follow those simple steps, you will soon find yourself with an army of Iraqi loyalists with some serious Baghdad street cred who are beyond the reproach of the US neocon-media, and readily embraced by the left. I'd also like to give you guys a "big ups" for timing this just as the left is wiping their hands of Sheehan -- with her off the blotter there's a new Iraqi rep in town, and Allah knows she ain't camera shy! Your cool points just increased three-fold in the US, so keep up the good work and continue to not behead people you kidnap!!

    You guys are the best.

    Signed,
    Yankee Mike
  • 18 Comments:

    Blogger Travis said...

    Paul- I know this is totally off topic, but do you know how to host video clips on the web? Can we do it on blogspot? Or is there some other site I can have host it and just link to it from my blog? I have a clip I want to show.

    11:50 AM  
    Blogger Hoss said...

    Paul,
    Did that whole f'ing mess with little Jill seem like a set-up. For some reason I never thought for a moment that she would get hurt, let alone decapitated.

    Even the terrorists are smart enough to capitalize on a useful idiot like her: she's a hardcore Muslim (and likely America-hater) who also works for a fairly substantial media organization.

    It's like they get their own little p.r. firm, besides al jazeera,pretty sweet little deal.

    12:00 PM  
    Blogger brando said...

    On the radio I heard that dumbass lady say, and I quote: "They never threatened me in any way."

    So that whole "Pay ransom or your gal gets beheaded" thing is not a threat? IN ANY WAY?

    Crazy pills!

    You're not fit to report anything. You're crazy.

    Christian Science Monitor, huh?

    I'll file that in the memory banks.

    12:41 PM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    Hoss--
    Maybe you're on to something - it would certainly explain why she seemed totally carefree about her terp getting whacked. Maybe there was no interpreter!! The driver also got off scott free. They launched him from the car, kidnapped her and the terp, blasted the terp, and treated her like a princess for a few months. huh. At first I assumed that the driver sold them up the river, but maybe he's in on the whole conspiracy.

    clever!! clever indeed!!

    12:47 PM  
    Anonymous Cory said...

    Okay, I totally agree with your initial impression of the journalist lady. As she's standing there in a headscarf (take it off, your in the US of A!) saying her captors were really nice I can't help but think "Oh hell, she's some sort of hadji-lover," but then I realize something:

    She was held by terrorists for 80 days.

    She got released yesterday (or the day before, whatever).

    She may have developed a severe case of kidnapper's empathy (or whatever), where you begin to like your captors (unconsciously) just to maintain your sanity at the injustice you're facing.

    So with that in mind, I have to salute how the speaker dude for the State Department talked about her. It was all PR bullshit, because clearly she's in love with the insurgents, but his restraint was extremely impressive to me. He said:
    "She's probably been through so much, being threatened with death by her captors... that we are just happy she's back."

    He didn't mention how she's back (just released by insurgents? -- that's questionable), he didn't mention that she says it was great, he's just being (falsely, no doubt, but nevertheless) sympathetic, and that takes restraint.

    So here's the rub, she's an American citizen, one of ours, and until at least two weeks pass or she rolls a grenade into the statehouse I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. That's the price you pay for living in America, you trust your own. If you don't think so many people should be American citizens that's fine (I surely don't), but until that changes she is one and we gotta support her (for at least a week or so for her to show her true self, because she might only temporarily be all hadjified).

    3:20 AM  
    Anonymous Cory said...

    Also Paul, I read this webcomic and it reminded me of you and your Japanese pr0n that you brought back the first time you went there.

    3:31 AM  
    Anonymous Cory said...

    Wow, I guess I really know how to kill a discussion.

    7:08 AM  
    Blogger brando said...

    She must have had a baghdad ghetto pass.

    8:07 AM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    Sorry. Don't mean to embarass you, but it's "Helsinki Syndrome", as in "Sweden".

    It's O.K. A common mistake.

    I think I talked about that yesterday, but great post. Again, you have read my mind.

    8:30 AM  
    Anonymous Cory said...

    Hold on a sec is that...

    ...it is! Holy shit your avatar is Elvis from Bubba Ho-tep. Rock on.

    Bruce Campbell is my Lord and Savior.

    8:51 AM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    Thanks, Cory. You're the first person to comment on that and I've had him up for almost a year.

    Paul,
    Check THIS shit out.

    And I love this quote:

    Little Green Footballs drips with disdain:

    "She says the terrorists treated her well.

    Her interpreter, murdered during the kidnapping, was not available for comment."

    10:06 AM  
    Blogger Hoss said...

    HA!

    I was like what the hell is Jinxy talking about with the "Helsinki" syndrome.

    It really would have scared me if he would have started talking about Detroit Syndrome.

    10:31 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I didn't take the bait on your earlier post, because it's not funny. He really makes me nervous. When that wall-o-repression breaks, it's gonna make the East Indian tsunami look like fart bubbles in a tub. I'm sooo glad that he is well armed...

    On to your current topic. This probably isn't a popular stance, but I was hoping for a new vid on rotten.com from this girl. I'm sure that CSM certainly was. Christian Science Monitor...Crazy Scientology Maniacs...whatever.

    Wikipedia:
    Historically, a martyr is a person who dies for their convictions or religious faith, such as during the persecution of early Christians in the Roman Empire. Sometimes the term is applied to those who use violence, such as dying for a nation's glory during wartime...

    I don't wish ill will on any person. Person. When you choose to throw your lot in with a movement, all bets are off. How'd she get that job...CSWF seeking war ravaged country to spread the faith...

    I can't believe that we allow faith based publications to be tear-assing around in one of the most politically sensitive areas on the planet. Maybe next time she could outfit her vehicle with a nice airbrushed image of Jesus fisting Mohammed.

    -Joe

    10:54 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    Joe--
    I think the fisting image would be acceptable, as long as it's not a cartoon. And yeah, Dirty D's a whackjob. It's best that he stick to drinking the glory of the Good Word.

    Jinxy--
    Stop confusing me. The only syndrome you're qualified to discuss is down syndrome.

    Cory--
    Negative. There's no way I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. She lost her benefit of the doubt privledges. Or rather her "insurgent"-friendly associates lost them for her. In any case, I guess it's fine for us to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the stakes are too high for the guys over there. She doesn't need to be going to Iraq anymore. Let's not forget about the manhours spent and people put in harm's way to try and find her. If an American Citizen is kidnapped, no matter how much of an ingrate they may be, resources will be used to try and recover them.

    12:09 PM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    7:04 AM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    I love this:

    "The Washington D.C. based International Women's Media Foundation named Carroll the winner of its annual Courage in Journalism Award for 2006, citing her bravery "at a time when journalists are under threat in many parts of the world, and particularly in Iraq, for simply trying to cover stories vital for us all to know."

    So just like Jessica Lynch, for women the standard is once again lowered.

    Curl up in a fetal position because your rifle jammed and you failed to remember your immediate action drill, get captured, raped, and then have people come and rescue you, you get a Bronze Star.

    Get captured by the insurgents, appear in a videotape crying and demanding your government does what ever your captors ask to secure your relese, then come out on another video and parrot the insurgent's company line, and you're somehow "courageous".

    Works for me!

    7:04 AM  
    Blogger Jack Burton said...

    Glad I'm not the only one that thinks this is crap! Good point on the Jessica Lynch fiasco too, I work in Corrections and we had a 1 month academy and we still learned gun clearing drills. I used to watch alot of news and stay up with current events but the liberal media just drives me batty anymore so I've unplugged.

    11:35 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Paul, I don't know Mr. Jinxy, so I don't know when he's being sarcastic. Um... Helsinki is in Finland, and the syndrome is Stockholm... or maybe I'm ruining the joke by stating the obvious.

    Oh, and I'm pretty sure Jill slept with one of her captors.

    Fadi.

    10:50 PM  

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