Sunday, February 12, 2006

.....oh snap.....

Whoops I did it again. And not what you're thinking. I didn't play with your heart. I did something different.

I made a booboo. I acted like a big jerk to an innocent.

So last night I was hanging out at a restaurant I normally pre-flight at, listening to a conversation that I couldn't believe I was listening to. And I'm let in on a lot of ridiculous converations. I won't get into that though.

Anyway, there were about 6 of us, and I wasn't really saying anything, as I was rendered utterly speechless by the aforementioned conversation. So this Japanese girl comes cruising over and sits down with one of the Japanese dudes at the table, and she's easily one of the cutest girls I've seen in quite some time. So we're making introductions, and she keeps referring to herself as the dude's "ex-girlfriend", which was odd cuz she said it about 9 times. So I asked her what her name was, and she says, "Pleased to meet you, my name is Osami." It wasn't the fact that I'd never heard that name before or the fact that she was super cute that made my face split into the world's shit-eatingest-grin. Ear to ear, complete with a Beavis and Butthead giggle. Uh huh..huhuh...huh...huhuh..

It's hard for me to sit on jokes when I feel like I've come up with a zinger, but I bided my time.

So after staring at this girl for about 45 minutes, she gets up to leave and says her goodbyes. That's when I made my move.

"See you later, Osami Bin Laden!"

This seemed like a pretty obvious joke to me, but the reaction of the table was better than I expected. I don't see why people think that super cute girls are somehow exempt from my cruelty.

Yeah, I'm amazed I'm still single too.

This brings me to my other old obsession, which is photoshopping Osama Bin Laden into pictures. This never seems to get old to me. So in honor of Osami-chan, and the emotional trauma a stupid gaijin (me) caused her, I put together a little picture.

This is a movie cover. The title of the movie in the bold pink characters says:

Faggots vs Highschool Girls

I wish I were joking. It's kind've funny too, because "faggot" (or "fag" or whatever derogitory word for homosexuals) in Japanese is "Okama," and I've been known to say "Okama Bin Laden" before too. I know you're probably wondering how I found that picture. I just typed in "Highschool Girl" in Japanese characters into google images and Voila!

You can buy it here on Amazon Japan. Only 4706yen! $39.99!

Since I'm a big loser and I got up at 3:45pm today, I really didn't have anything better to do today and threw together a couple little Osama pictures featuring Brando. I'm thinking about submitting these pictures, along with a script, to a TV series production company. (The second pic took me a while to do.) It could be a show about Osama Bin Laden and Brando, and all the zany adventures they get into. Brando, the straight laced detective with high morals and irreproachable integrity, and Osama Bin Laden, an international terrorist. Kinda like a modern day Starsky and Hutch. I mean, look at the pictures -- you can just feel the tension!

No Saudi nationals and/or homosexuals were harmed in the writing of this blog.


Blogger Jinxy said...

I wish you could photoshop my head to Bruce Campbell's body.

Did you get Osami's digits?

3:38 AM  
Blogger Hammer said...

You mean like this?

9:28 AM  
Blogger brando said...

I like it. It's good brand new concept for a movie. Beverly Hills Cop, Lethal Weapon, Rush Hour. I guess Hunter counts too. Dee Dee McCall was a minority, I suppose. The second picture made me chuckle. So, what's wrong with visors? Does that count as eccentric?

10:11 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Dee Dee McCall was rockin'. I remember when they blew up her little car with a rocket launcher.

80s TV shows had a lot more gratuitous use of rocket launchers and inappropriately huge explosions. Like grenade explosions looked like napalm footage from the 'nam. Maybe in the 80s a lot more people had them laying around.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Hammer said...

Very true, but don't forget 1993's "Falling Down" with Michael Douglas. It contained one of the top ten rocket launcher scenes of all time.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Bonita said...

maybe because it's 2:15 in the morning and i'm delirious from all my school work, but i'm LAUGHING SO HARD that I almost peed my pants...and I'm not kidding...

4:20 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

...whatever the reason, i take what i can get ...

5:32 PM  
Blogger Jack Burton said...

Speaking of gratuitous 80s shows how come a special ops unit called the A-team could NEVER frickin' hit anyone with AUTOMATIC weapons..and if a grenade was thrown it would only flip over the pursuing vehicle or launch enemies into the air to fall stunned.. even sadder the government couldn't catch these clowns? Well..they did have Starbuck with them..

5:46 PM  
Blogger Travis said...

Paul- I thought it was funny, though I agree comments like that could play a role in remaining single...anyway, for some reason I don't know if I had ever been over to your blog before, but I got a chance to read it today. Great stuff, and I added a link to your blog from mine. You now should really feel honored. Being linked from my blog is equivalent to nirvana for a buddha.

11:36 PM  
Blogger brando said...

Hey Osami, update already.

7:54 AM  
Blogger brando said...

Talking about these old shows made me think of MacGyver. He's sort of the pacificist's A-Team. One man team. Or Two man team, if you count the guy that looked exactly like my uncle. I liked the show MacGyver a lot. He never touched a gun, but boy-o-boy, could he knock a sucker out. It never took him more than one punch to knock fools out cold and he never missed. Just *WHAM*, game over man. He should have been a professional boxer.

My uncle told me a fun fact about the McGyver show. He informed me that as a saftey concern for children, every "trick" that he did, had a missing element, so it couldn't be replicated in real life. In the opening episode he slid down a sand dune while sitting on a map like a sled. What's the missing element in that equation? It's pretty much just a map and a dune.

SAND DUNE?.....*check*
2 GIGATON THERMONUCLEAR DEVICE?...*edited for children's saftey*

3:30 PM  

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