Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Anyone for a cattle prod?

"Holy shit," I exclaimed. "It's beginning to a look a lot like Christmas up in this mo-fracky."

I woke up on Saturday morning at about 8am. I had planned to maybe cruise up to Tokyo to train a little bit, but it was snowing pretty hard. You know what I mean; it was like these big huge American sized snowflakes took over the kanto plane like some post apocalyptic invasion of cute little ice larva, no two of which were alike.

I feared that my Saturday night plans of applying a coat or two of red ocher to the village were dashed, but I went out anyway and had a pretty good time.

I left my building and was met with the following:

Considering that everyone living in my building is at least in their late 30s/early 40s (or older, with the exception of yours truly), I was a little surprised. They even have a little snow dog at the snowman's heel. And it's about 5 foot 10 inches tall, so it's a good sized snowman.

Switch gears.

Today I was watching Fox News before I went to work. I'm at the mercy of AFN programming, so I don't have a huge choice of news channels to pick from, but whatever. Anyway, apparently G Dubya was at KSU yesterday doing a talk, and he fielded some questions. Given the opportunity to ask the Leader of the Free World any question about anything at all, one of the students, seeking a better understanding of geo-politics from the perspective of the President of the United States, asked the following question:

"Did you see Brokeback Mountain?"

What a fucktard. Are you shitting me? Imagine if you were the person sitting next to him/her, and you had a good question prepared for the Prez, and s/he got picked. I'd knock them over the back of their chair. Some might argue that scripted Q&As are a bad idea, but maybe they're good in order to avoid stupid questions like that.

But there's no such thing as a stupid question my 1st grade teacher sed so lolz

Shut up! Yes there are. I don't care what anyone says. I wonder what that student's thought process was. "Hmmmm, President Bush is a conservative Christian who is proud of being from Texas, which is known to be populated with cowboy-esque people.. Given his views on gay marriage and abortion, etc, I think this would be an extremely thought provoking question. I'm genuinely curious to see whether or not he saw it, because I'm honestly not sure."

Of all the movies, or cowboy movies at that, that the President might see, do you really think he'd pick a movie about a couple of tabakky chewin', cattle ropin', man-on-man-action lovin' turd wranglers?

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain. I don't plan to. Some might say, based on the fact that I said "man-on-man-action lovin' turd wranglers," that I won't be seeing it because I am a homophobe and hate monger. Sure, ok, whatever -- you're entitled to your opinion. While some might argue that a movie about love transcending even the manliest of institutions is a moving experience, I'll go ahead and be moved in some other way. Not wanting to see Brokeback Mountain doesn't make me any more of a homophobe than, say, not wanting to see Jarhead makes me anti-military.

Or maybe I'll break out that case of Zima I've been saving for a special occasion, don my scuba hood and assless clown pants, and have my self a gay cowboy night. Who knows?

Amazingly enough, President George W. Bush has not seen Brokeback Mountain either. Maybe next time he speaks at an institute of higher learning, some globally minded knowledge seeker will ask the difficult questions that are really on everyone's mind, like "Do you believe in God?" and "Are you a Muslim?"

Inquiring minds want to know.

No man-on-man action lovin' turd wranglers were harmed in the writing of this blog.


Blogger brando said...

"Yes, Mr. Brando, Go ahead with your question."

-Yeah, um, Mr. President, I'm glad that I've been given this opportunity to query you on your unique insight on the burden of command of the last remaining superpower in the world. One question has been bothering me. Have you seen King Kong? Dude, it's freaking awesome, cause it has this 25 foot gorilla that bites a man's head clean off! And that Naomi Watts is smoking hot, I just want to bang her. Jack Black's on stage wearing a penguin suit, and then he yells "KONG!" It's off the chains. Literally. You have to see it. Because, honestly, I'm commanding you to see it.

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Cory said...

Yeah, they actually showed that question and answer on World News Tonight last night. Like it was a big deal or something somebody asked the president that (they did the same "breaking news" spcial when some women's lacrosse team wore flip-flops to the white house).

Now, it was a seriously stupid question, but did you see the man's answer?

"Uh..nope...I, uh....well, I hear its about cowboys...er...uh...nope I....I think ranching....er....going to a ranch is...uh, I enjoy ranching....uh....nope, I haven't. I haven't seen it. *points at another dude* How 'bout you?" (DURP!)

I mean seriously, what kind of spontaneous question can you ask that tardbait that'll get you a response in english? I figure that's the only kind of question this guy can even partially answer.

Here's the answer Harrison Ford would give if he were president (as I believe he should be):

"No son, I haven't seen the movie. Though I understand its doing very well and I wish all the people involved the best of luck.
Next question, bitches."

12:34 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Well, what do you expect. He gets all flustered when he's set upon by visions of gay sugarplums in cowboy hats dancing around in his head.

I think a funnier question would have been:
As a rancher, how would you punish two of your cow-hands for sneaking up in the hills and committing sodomy? Have you ever been faced with this difficult situation? Have you found any links between gay ranch hands and terrorists? If I find out I work with a gay person, can I listen to their phone conversations? Do homosexuals fall under the geneva convention? If so, why?

These are the real issues, and everyone knows it.

7:42 AM  
Blogger Hoss said...

"Um, Mr. President, have you had time when you're not sweating the little shit like the war in Iraq, the increasing nuclear capabilities of Iran, the impending implosion of Russia,what the Chi-Comms are up to,social security, tax reform, dumbshit from Democrats, and trying to rein-in those anti-American jackasses in the UN (I forgot you got Bolton for that).......big breath...what the hell the twins are into....to see that movie about those two queer cowboys?

Secret Service should have shot the jackass who asked the question right on the spot.

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Cory said...

What kind of question do you expect from the state in which rational thought and evolutionary theory are voted out of public schooling every 2 years? (I guess they just like to really make it clear they ain't allowin' that monkey-business)

Maybe he should've spoken at MIT or Texas A&M, then we'd see some stutterin' to some more relevant questions.

12:25 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home