Thursday, December 29, 2005

Yay! I Win!

That's right, folks. Last night I won a Gold Medal in the Biggest Asshole in Tokyo Competition. I'll get to that momentarily.

Yesterday I woke up at 6am, did my morning routine, went to work, and got off at 4pm.

At 4pm I headed up to Tokyo as per SOP to train at Axis Jiujitsu Academy, met a friend for coffee afterwards, and arrived back in my little room at 11:30pm, watched Conan O'Brien, and went to bed..

That's a solid day, gents. 6am to 11:30pm, on the move

Even more solid is that somewhere along the line, I picked up an award for being the Biggest Asshole in Tokyo.

This is not the first time this has happened.

Some might say my recent behavior of late has earned me this dubious title 3 or 4 times in as many months.

Or weeks.

Anyway, whenever we finish working some new techniques at Axis, we spar for about a half an hour, usually 4 x 6-minute sessions, which is really tiring. That's my favorite part, because when I train with my friend, I get my ass kicked like a little toddler, but up at Axis there are people closer to my level so I actually have a chance. I can try out moves and attacks with less worries of getting choked out or arm barred in the first 30 seconds of the session.

I noticed a fellow that really kicked my ass when I first started going there. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I asked him if he would like to spar when we started. I wanted to see if or how I'd improved.

In any case, I annihilated this guy. I was trying out everything I knew, and submitted him no fewer than 3 times with all kinds of armbars. I had him coughing violently and having to take breaks. I was pulling spider guard, scissor mounts -- everything I knew. It was a free-for-all. It was nice to do it to someone else instead of having it done to me.

I felt like a real fuckin' bad ass.

After class I was telling my friend about it. You know, the one that throws me around like a toddler. I said, "I wonder if maybe he's just rusty because he hasn't been coming for a while...but I felt pretty awesome. Kinda like when I'm laying in bed at night and having fantasies where I win the worldwide Brazilian Jiujitsu championships," to which my friend replied:

"Oh, that guy? Yeah he's been out with a broken rib."

I stopped in my tracks. Yeah. I'm a real hard ass. The poor guy probably thought he'd come back and have a light roll, just to test the waters... "I'll just take it easy today, see how I feel." And meanwhile some asshole Gaijin (me) is putting all his weight on his chest, feeling mighty proud when he's having to stop because of a coughing fit. The guy was clearly physically and mentally shot, but I just figured I got the best of him. Alas, such was not the case. Good job. Look who's an asshole. Here's your medal. Rickson would be proud.

I think the next time I go up there, I'll find the best person available and get completely owned by them while I resist with all my might and exhaust myself. I'll see how many times I can get tapped out in 6 minutes. Maybe I'll arrange for them to accidentally kick me in the face. I'll choose the smallest guy, maybe like a 150lb guy or something. The one that looks like the biggest pussy around. Those guys are always the hardest.

I could really use a beat down.

In any case, it's time to get serious. Or, more serious. I need to up the ante. Raise the stakes. What's that mean? It means training harder and playing harder. I've been being a little bit foofie lately. I need a balance; I can only work out like a banshee if I'm drinking like a banshee (on the weekends), so I think I'm going to have to start that up again. Time to open a new Chapter. Stay tuned.

In other news, Michael Vale has passed away. May he continue Making the Donuts in some cop filled shop in the sky.


Anonymous Cory said...

You're misplacing your anger there, Paul. You shouldn't be mad at yourself for beating up an injured man, you should be mad at your friend who later told you that guy was injured. Your friend took away your happiness, and for that you should hate him, not yourself.

At least, that's how we still roll in the good old US of A. You must be hanging around these Japanese folks too much with their "honor" and their silly "seppuku."

7:06 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Seppkuku Schmeppuku.

Maybe the guy's broken rib was the result of a botched harikiri attempt...

7:38 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

oops, I mean harakiri.

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Cullen said...

Maybe you're just a botched version of Harry Caray...or just a smelly old bonch. Stay cool, more like GET COOL!

12:38 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

u r so ded homestar

1:22 PM  
Blogger Jinxy said...

Good post. You're a regular Frank Dux.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous brando said...

Like 'put up your dukes'?

That was a pretty good story. Me likey. That was good of your sparing partner not to make excuses and explain why he wasn't doing very well. He sounds tough in that "put up or shut up" kind of way.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

there's no doubt about it -- the Japanese people that go to Axis are dedicated and tough. the chicks are too. there's this one girl that's been there a while -- she weighs about 105lbs. one night during sparring she went against me (180), my friend who's a purple belt (elite level) and weighs 190, and a Brazilian brown belt that weighs about 210 and is being groomed for Pride. Poor girl. The funny thing is, when she couldn't move us she was getting REALLY pissed. Like spazzing out to the point where I jumped off and was like, "Are you ok?" She just gave me a dirty look and tried to kick my ass again.

It's kind've hard to practice moves and stuff against the Japanese guys because they're trying their asses off to submit the big Gaijin, cuz I'm bigger than most of them. They don't give me much. I guess I'll have to stick to people with broken ribs and other injuries.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your such an ass


12:49 AM  

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