Happy Birthday Dear Update, Happy Birthday to me.

Warning: This is the most poorly written blog I've ever spewed out, but it's my birthday blog so myeh! (as you can see it's also going to be the most mature one)

Well peeps, it's been a bit, so I thought I'd throw out a little update.

Yesterday was my birthday, so happy birthday to me. I wrote on Adventurestan during my last birthday, which was far more unusual than this year's birthday. I did absolutely nothing yesterday. After work I went up to the jiujitsu gym and rolled around for a bit, came home, ate some quaker rice cakes, and passed the fuck out. Hopefully my birthday will stop being on such shitty days of the week.

I guess I had a romantic evening with this fellah.


There was an earthquake yesterday here in Japan, over 6 on the old richter scale. No one died. I didn't feel it because I was barreling down the Odakyuu line on a freaking train. Ain't that some shit?? I read today that 79,000 people have died from that earthquake in Pakistan. That blows my mind. 79,000 people is a ridiculous amount of people.

Hopefully some clerics blame the USA.


I hear numbers like that, and numbers from the tsunami, and then I hear dramatic sound-bites from people talking about Katrina, and I simultaneously want to laugh hysterically and punch someone in the throat. For instance:

"IT'S LIKE A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY DOWN HERE!!"
Uuh, hey motherfucker, you've never been to a 3rd world country, have you? You know what happens in 3rd world countries when natural disasters happen???? One thing's for certain -- the Cafe Beignet sure as fuck doesn't open 6 weeks later.

"THIS IS THE WORST DISASTER IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES"
Why stop there? Why not just say "IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!" Afraid of looking New-Orleao-Centric?? Well, hate to break it to you, but you already are.
Galviston Texas got hurricane-fucked way worse than you in 1900..

Talk is so cheap. I think anyone who publicly declared stuff like that should be forced to take Red Cross money for Katrina victims and give it to the descendents of the Galveston hurricane, or sent to Pakistan to see what it's like to live in a 3rd World Country.

Yeah, that's ridiculous, I know, but it's the best I could come up with. Spite is spite.

So Florida is about to get rocked again by another hurricane. Hurricane Wilma. I think they should play a recording of Fred Flinstone screaming "WIIIILLLMMAAAA" 24/7 in Florida, just to try and scare the hurricane away. May as well. I like how Jeb Bush was quoted as saying, 'Why us?" To me, "Why us" and "Why me" means "Why not someone else?" I guess the Lord is an equal opportunity murderer. He's massacred too many brown people this year, so he's gotta take out some whiteys...

I'm not sure how much play this is getting in the USA, but the Prime Mister of Japan is pissing off the rest of Asia because he keeps visiting Yasukuni Shrine. I think it's pretty cool that he visits there. Yeah, there are some war criminals remembered there, and the Japanese did some really heinous shit during WWII, but if I were him, and China and Korea told me that I shouldn't be visiting a memorial for people who fought and died for my country, no matter what their motives, I'd tell them to fuck themselves too. Koizumi said, "No foreign country should take issue with the way we express our condolences for the war dead." Fuck'n-A right.

Those of us who are fortunate enough to be Americans can relate to that. (flag wave flag wave) Our cultural war cry is "You're not the boss of me," "Don't tell me what to do," and "Go fuck yourself." Wasn't that what the whole revolution was based on? Or something?

Yeah, I said it. I said "fortunate enough to be American." I like my cultural identity.. And anyone who says "America doesn't have a culture" is asking to get verbally pimp slapped by yours truly.... and I'm not even really talking about pop culture, though that bears mentioning I suppose. Some of you might be thinking, "WELL THEN WHY AREN'T YOU IN AMERICA YOUR [sic] HIDING IN JAPAN LOLZ [sic]"..... hmm, well, anyone who would say that doesn't know me, so they can lick muh butt. I get the last laugh, cuz their tax money pays my salary.

How petty can I be? Yippeeskippee, I'm 29 years ancient.

I'll leave you with this display of maturity from last weekend. I hump men, and they appear indifferent.


I made a Quiz about myself. Take my Quiz and then check out the Scoreboard. I think that only people who have been around me in recent history will do well..