Wednesday, August 03, 2005

How lame am I...?

I received a package from none other than Mr Troff. Click on that link to see how much he rocks, and his defunct blog that he's neglected forever is in the index. He recently went and ran with the bulls in Spain. Click on that link to see how much he rocks even more. And no, Tara Reid is not that tall. She's probably 4'3, cuz Mr Troff can't be a hair over 4'4. OK, anyway, the package he sent me had 3 pakols (one of which he is wearing in the first picture) and a little Afghanistan flag that is currently dangling from my rear view mirror. He also sent a regular sized flag. He rules. My Halloween costume is all picked out. He also sent me a Dyncorp ID, and said that I could wear it "just in case you ever need to impersonate a fat stupid intolerant guy". God bless thee, Mr Troff. I wish I could have seen you before leaving Kabul, but I was too busy gettin my diddy-mao on so I couldn't high-5 you somewhere over the English channel.

Speaking of Afghanistan... Even though I'm far from there, I have a lot of friends there, and I continue to read news from there. I was also realized how lame I was this weekend at a picnic. There are a lot of festivals going on here in Japan, and they include fireworks. I was sitting there eating a steak and a firework went off on the other side of a hill, and I about shit my pants. I don't like fireworks anymore. The reason I feel so lame is that I was never "in the shit." I was never particularly scared during 5 years in the Marines, at least not in the sense that I was scared that someone would kill me. I was more "uneased" at the thought of someone doing something stupid or something huge falling on top of me, like a CH-53. But even then, I was able to put it out of my mind 'cuz it was completely out of my control. Even driving down Jalalabad Road when Kabul Joe had a negligent discharge in the backseat of the Excursion with an MP5 while the windows were up, I was a little freaked out, but that was just for a little bit. Then it was funny. And my ears hurt real bad. (Sorry to bust you out, but I've been waiting to get back at you for almost killing me with a 9mm holopoint ever since you put that shooter pic on your blog. Update your blog by the way.) Anyway, in Afghanistan I was super scared twice. Once because I was pretty sure I would be hacked to death by a bunch of Opium farmers who were staring at me (cuz they were mad at the fact that we were there destroying their fields, i,e. taking food off their plates) while I was sitting somewhere relaying comms (well, not by myself, there were two Nepalese guys passed out in the back of my truck, but they were useless so I let them sleep). The other time was when Timmy Taliban decided it would be a good idea to blow up our building, which happened just under a year ago. There were explosions a lot, like when the aforementinoed group of dummies was shooting rockets into the center of Kabul, but that night we were all out on the balcony hoping for a light show. Still, it bothers me that fireworks should make my stomach drop. It seems a bit of a dramatic reaction to a rather limited amount of "bad experiences," but even little firecrackers put me on edge.

Just for the record, since I came back, another thing that freaks me out is being in crowded places when people are taller than me. Not good when you're a colossal 5'9. Good thing I'm in Japan.

So yeah, I'm lame. I like to think that I don't experience a lot of anxiety or that I can control it pretty well, but that's not really the case. I think if I were a big and tall shop and someone shot off a blackcat, I'd curl up in the fetal position, soil myself, and cry myself to sleep.

Don't get me wrong - I don't go deer hunter or anything. I don't grab the nearest steak knife, take a child hostage, and shout "MAO.. MAO!! MAO!!!!" over and over. It's just butterflies.

Japan is a great place to live (albeit expensive) for a number of reasons, the biggest one being that it's so safe. Sure, there are a couple areas one might want to avoid, but it's not like Compton. It's more like, don't get too drunk and pass out 'cuz you might get rolled, and don't get drunk and talk to shit Nigerians cuz they might beat the dogshit out of you. I don't walk around like a badass (cuz I'm not), and I don't go out with huge groups of belligerent drunks. I've seen a lot of fights here, but they were almost all involving foreigners, and the people who got jacked REALLY deserved it. Except in Okinawa, but that's a whole different animal.

So that's about the size of it. Just some stuff I've been thinking about lately because I'm all caught up at work and spend a lot of time sitting there or talking shit to everyone around me. Thanks for reading...

(By the way, the sidebar ends up on the bottom of the page when I view with Microsoft Internet Explorer, but it works fine with firefox. It's not a template issue cuz I replaced it completely with Adventurestan's and it still was the same. Anyone know why??)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey paul i believe that you are still considered a foreigner in Japan.

2:04 AM  
Blogger Paul said...


7:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so stop talking smack about them!!

4:12 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Yeah, ok. "Talking Smack"... How is saying that foreigners in Japan start most of the fights that I've seen considered "talking smack"? Are you a foreigner in Japan? Does it bother you that I'm "talking smack" about foreigners in Japan? Is this offensive to you, and if so, how? My only request is that if you wish to open a discussion in this forum, that your posts be well thought out, persuasive, and, urm, original. If you think my posts are lame and unoriginal, which many people surely do, just hit Alt-F4.

8:26 AM  

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