Friday, June 03, 2005

"...Our God is an Awesome God," aka "...Durp!"

Durp. It's the sound a stupid person makes when they decide to have a random utterance. DURP. I guess it could also be an acronym. Distinctively Under-evolved (and/or) Retarded People.

So what's this have to do with "Our God is an Awesome God!"?? Well, I saw someone driving with a plate in their back window that said OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD, and the only really good response I could think of was "...durp." Ok, anyone who reads this page and actually knows me knows that I'm card carrying not-believer-in-any-spiritual-horse-pucky, but I'm gonna go ahead remove that from the matter at hand. Let's analyze the saying "Our God is an Awesome God" as objectively as possible.

  • Point 1: No shit
    Main Entry: awe‚ÄĘsome
    Pronunciation: 'o-s&m
    Function: adjective
    1 : expressive of awe
    2 : inspiring awe

    You couldn't really be a God if you weren't awesome. I mean, is there a God of being bad at stuff? Even then, the God would be so fucked up that it would inspire awe, right? Could a god be so mediocre that he would inspire awe? Anyway, it's not like someone is gonna put a sign in their car that says, "Our God is a Pedestrian God!" or "Our God is a pretty regular God". Which, oh shit, brings me to the next point:

  • Point 2: Doesn't saying "Our God is an Awesome God" kinda imply a comparison?
    Uh oh Spaghetti-Os, you're a monotheist, remember? It seems to me that "An awesome God" says that there are other Gods, but this one is wicked cool compared to the other ones. May as well say "Our God is an Awesome One." Would anyone ever say "Our Earth is an Awesome Earth"??? As opposed to what, the shitty Earth on the other side of the solar system? I guess that's what happens when hilljacks make up religious songs.

  • Point 3: Stop oppressing me please
    Key Word: "OUR." "Our" implies "Us," and in order for there to be an "Us" there has to be a "Them," and then "Their." Inclusion vs Exclusion. Why not just say "God is Awesome." Here's why: Group cohesion is strengthened by a common enemy, either real or imagined. Oldest trick in the book type thing. That itsy bitsy 3 letter word (Our) is more powerful than most people would give it credit for. Even more deadly is it's wicked twin brother, "Us." It's amazing to sit and think about how many people have been (and will be) slaughtered based on the meaning locked in those two lil letters. A-mazing.

    So what, is the person cruising around with Jesus stuff on their car trying to convince me of someting? Even if I weren't a Christian but believed in God, it would be hard to deny that any God is pretty awesome. I might think the whole Tsunami thing was kind've a dickhead move, but he/she/whatever'd still "inspire awe". Either way, why tell me this? Is the owner of the car insecure about their standing in God's eyes that they feel the need to put a sign in the window? "Jesus Flash". Does God give a shit? Is it gonna affect God's next Election Campaign?! I should put a sign in my window that says, "Your God is a Sucky God." People would come up to me and say, "What's that supposed to mean!?" and I could say, "Oh, I was talking to Muslims and stuff. You Christian? OK, you're cool." "Our" implies "Your" as well, right? (Or "Y'allz" or "Yuns") To people who believe in a different faith, being told "Our God is an Awesome God" is just a passive aggressive way of saying "Your God is a sucky God." I have more respect for the person who says the latter. :)

    Maybe I could make a sign that says, "I believe in God. I believe he's a real shit head, too. But I also believe his Son died for my sins so he has to let me in when I die. Who's more powerful now, bitch?"

    I'm so going to Hell.

    Blogger That Guy said...

    I got the honor, durp, of helping my mother with her white trash fest(aka Garage Sale) over the weekend. For some reason those things are Jehovah's Witness magnets.

    It got to the point where if I didn't have a cooler of Sapporo next to me I might have eaten a bullet. I, too, am a non believer in the whole religion thing. I think it's just one big snow job, but that is neither here nor there.

    I have no problem with the religious people of the world that do their thing and accept others who don't. The people who feel the need to push it on others suck. How great can a religion be if you have to do door to door sales to con people into joining it? If you have to get into heated arguments over why your's is such a better religion than the one I choose to (or not) follow?

    I will say one thing though...the wildest people, in their youth, are the ones who turn into the most fanatical religious people. For example: Bush, my cousin, and so on. Before we know it Charlie Sheen will be a born again Christian. As I see it, if he can get into Heaven I should have no problem even as a non believer.

    You'll be fine Army Boy.

    9:52 PM  

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