Sunday, January 08, 2006

Konbini Bouken


I was shitfaced in a convenience store (Konbini in Japanese) when some items caught my attention. I thought some aspects of these items were a little bit ironic, so in a drunken haze I snapped off a few pictures with my cell phone. Now, I'm sure you're probably wondering, "So you like taking pictures of stuff at convenience stores? Doesn't that seem strange?"

Let me assure you, most of my public behavior probably seems strange to the people of this country. Still, given recent events, some retarded gajin taking pictures of things at convenience stores is probably the least of their worries.

I've got to admit, sometimes I go a little bananas with the cell phone camera, the results of which you will soon see.

Convenience Store DVD Sales: A Case Study

I spied a rack of DVDs at the convenience store outside my favorite watering hole, and thought the prices were mighty interesting. The DVDs were: ET, Robots, Titanic, Van Helsing, and the Last Samurai.

Let us begin with the classic, ET:

That's right, for the low price of about $32USD, the ET collectors edition can be yours. Seems a little bit pricey, no? I realize it's a classic, and that is the collectors edition, but doesn't that seem a bit expensive? The box set is $29 on, and the collectors edition DVD is $15.00.

Next up, we have Van Helsing.

This is about normal price for a new DVD I suppose, if not a little bit cheaper, coming in at about $13USD even.

The next two are a little confusing, like the ET one. I never saw the movie Robots; the one with Robin Williams doing the main voice. The movie looked a little bit creepy, and apparently Mr Williams was rude to my aunt, who is a Disney exec. There's no excuse for that, so I tend to avoid anything involving him in it. Boycott politeness, will you? Well I boycott you!

2670 yen, or about $23.30. I guess this makes sense; a little more expensive than a new DVD in the USA. And it's relatively recent (for here).

Next up is Titanic, which can still be purchased in Japanese convenience stores for a Titanic Price.

OK, 3670 yen, or $32 smackers, just like ET. I guess super classic movies have an industry standard of 3670yen for some reason. Given that this movie is really long, I guess you get more bang for your yen, but still, that's a good $10 more than Titanic brand new on amazon. Ooh, but wait -- it's the ULTIMATE EDITION. New release! I wonder what the difference between the ultimate edition and, say, the collector's edition is. What's next? Super-Ultra-Badass-Gaybashers Edition? Fuggin-A, sign me up for the preorder. Sounds badass.

Finally, my favorite of all. This is the whole reason I began this stupid little diatribe. I saw the price of the next DVD and I knew I had to capture it forever because it made me so happy. That's right, folks, peep this:

pwnt. That's all I gotta say. For the low low price of $8.50, you can own the Last Samurai, which was easily the lamest piece of Japanese fictional history ever created.

Finally, something in this country makes sense.

Now that I put it on "paper", it seems a lot less exciting than when I had my revelation of pwntitude in the convenience store. It's really amazing what gets you excited when you're drunk, but now that I've read this post over a few times, I ought to re-think posting drunken revelations. They're worse than a hangover.

Anywho, after taking a bunch of pictures of DVDs, some tasty anpan caught my eye, so I snapped off a picture of it.

Ichigo Choco Anpan. Or rather "A~npan", according to the box. Sounds good, no?

I exited-stage-left, and was greeted by the following scene. A deserted Tokyo street, filled with refuse, pigeons, and vomit, like some strange, post-apocalyptic aviary / vomitorium combo, the stores barricaded against marauding zombie hoards.

That was my attempt at a literary sounding thingy.. Prose? Yeah.. OK...

That's about the size of it. So shall I conclude the tale of my Convenience Store Adventure, or Konbini Bouken in the local vernacular. It's only appropriate that I ended by mentioning anpan, which is a type of bread. Pan means "bread" in Japanese, making Adventurepan really mean "Adventure Bread."

Marinate on that one for a while.

This guy

Note: Nothing written in this blog ought to be taken seriously. Thank you for your understanding.


Blogger Jinxy said...

Nothing written in this blog ought to be taken seriously. Thank you for your understanding?

You'd better take the aforementioned zombie menace seriously, bub.

You're out there alone on that deserted street?

I don't think you realize how lucky you were.

11:52 AM  
Blogger That Guy said...

Nicely done sir. I am really badly starting to miss Tokyo. I'm having nightly dreams of waking up in my old apartment, walking down my old street, and eating soba at Koma Soba with the owner...a guy who taught me more Japanese than everyone else combined.

That picture, that looked somewhat like Center-gai, reminded me of a lot of good times...

Sorry I've been AWOL lately...been getting my life back on track.

Will holler at you soon!

BTW...did you pick up any konbini sando while on your isogashi photo shoot?

12:18 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

You truely haven't lost your Tokyo savvy. That was indeed a picture of Center-gai, and yes, of course I had a konbini sando. Two of them. And 1 onigiri.

Breakfast of Champions. That was easily 90% of my caloric intake when I was a poor, unemployed Gaijin in the middle of Nakano. Those were the days.

Baron von Jinxy--
I'm tempted to not dignify that with a response. Suffice it to say, precautions were taken before departing. I'll also add that the necropalypse is in a special category of it's own, distinct from anything included (or excluded) from the "Nothing written in this blog" category.

Gimme some credit, will you?

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Cory said...

Van Helsing for $13? That's totally unreasonable, even at unreasonable Japan-prices. That suck-fest should sell for about $1, or 20 rupees (or whatever you guys use over there).

I feel that should've been the kicker of the post ("Thirteen dollars?! These idiots love Hugh Jackman no matter what! Ha ha!"). Since I haven't seen the Last Samurai, I can't comment on its authenticity, but it makes sense to me that Tom Cruise can become the baddest-ass Samurai on the planet, I mean, he's white, so he can become good at anything. I know my history.

1:46 PM  
Anonymous brando said...

Val Helsing no good? Where else are you going to get Dracula, the wolfman, crazy vampires, skanks, the Yeti, Aliens, Demons, Ghosts, and leprecauns all rolled up in one movie? It's like 144 movies in one. Plus it has Kate Beckinsale pronouncing her 'V's like 'W's. Now that's a great flick.

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Cory said...

She pronounces her "W's" like "V's" in Underworld as well I think, so that's where I'll go to get my Kate Beckinsdale fix, thank you. Speaking of which, Underworld 2 is coming out soon, which is a guaranteed blockbuster I'm sure.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous brando said...

Brrrrando. Chew are wery wery sexy.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

Kate Beckinsale's got a fucked up mouth. Like, in its resting position, it just doesn't look right.

Maybe that's why she can't pronounce V.. in the underworld.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous brando said...

You're dead wrong on this one. She's the cat's meow.

4:47 AM  

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