P-Unit in the Hizzlepan

Now, I know that you know that I know that you know that I keeps it crunk up in this piece.

It’s a simple fact.

I keeps it gangstah.

It’s official now.

I’m the guy who gets things.

That’s right folks, last night I was involved in a major drug deal.

I was waiting for my Canadian friend, Drew aka Drewski aka Punky Drewster, in front of Starbucks in Shibuya. I like meeting people there ‘cuz it’s a prominent landmark, there aren’t many people milling about, and I can text people to meet at “Starbizzles” when they ask where we’re meeting. Apparently it’s the busiest Starbucks in the world, and you’ve probably seen it before because it appears in every quintessential “Crowded Japan shot” on TV or in pictures, as seen here.

So I’m standing there, minding my own business, and this white dude walks by and makes eye contact with me, like maybe he knows me. I didn’t know him, so I just stood there, maintaining my normal expressionless mask. He walked by, and about 30 seconds later he came back and stood next to me and said, in a rather conspiratorial tone, “….Did I just ring you?”

Naturally, my first thought was that I was somehow caught up in the middle of some homosexual internet sex ring. Again.

So I looked at him and with a very “straight” face, responded, “…no.”

So he broke our prison-yard-stance-like setup and said, “Oh, ok. I’m trying to buy some POT.”

I wrote pot like that because it was a very pronounced British accent. Say it with me, like a Brit. POT.

I said the first thing that came to mind, which was………

“Do I look Iranian?”

He smiled and walked off.

Fast forward to 5 minutes later. I’m still standing there, maintaining my steely eyed look that only a man of action can possess, and a guy with glasses and a baseball caps walks up to me and says, “….did I just talk to you on the phone?”

Amazingly enough, he was Iranian, so I said, “No.. Down there.. Guy with a beard.” He walked off, looking rather sheepish.

I thought this would make for a funny story, which it was, and then I realized that if there was some sort of sting operation going on, it probably could have gotten me arrested and maybe deported.

Fuggin foreigners, bringin' they inferior cultures and habits into Japan and corrupting society.

So much for working for any law enforcement agency. I’d fail the polygraph. Great. That’s what you get for minding your own business here in Adventurepan.

In other news, it’s been a strange week for emails. The CEO of the company I worked for in Afghanistan is coming to Japan for some stuff and wants to talk about some possible “options” for me out here in Japan. I’ll keep you posted.