Monday, October 02, 2006

Backgammon + Injins + Parrots + Hezbollah = A Terrible Post

Oooooooooh my gawd

This video is so funny on so many levels. I demand that you click upon it.

Their stupidity will be immortalized on the innernets, for generations and generations to see.

So will mine, but it's different. You see, me and my blogger circle get a kick out of self-deprecating humor, but never could it be misconstrued to be representative of our greater associations. Your associates should be ashamed, and not just because of your haircut and poor oratory skills.

Video highlights:
  • Poor public speaking, or should I say, stammering
  • Mature behavior
  • "We are all hezbollah"
  • Blond/blue peeps talking about the "struggle"
  • Peoples' ideas of "basic rights"

    Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Expression are pretty cool, cuz apparently it means "Freedom for me to say and do whatever the fuck I want if it's politically motivated".. We've posted about this in the past tho, so I'll stop there.

    You know how I protested the deforestation, comfort women, eating dolphins, and child exploitation this weekend?

    I played backgammon until 5am Sunday morning. Suckahs.

    Y'all know I love me some backgammon. My retarded cousin got me into it way back when, and I'm always looking for a new opponent. I've recently let my partner* into the inner-circle, and she wouldn't stop until she beat me, which would explain the 5am thing, but since I'm a master, she had to call it quits.

    She beat me first thing Sunday morning tho, so good on her. She's a smarty.

    Sunday we finished off the first season of LOST, and went to a BBQ, which was attended by a large group of hipstered out, unambitious Japanese youngsters. The meat was tasty though, the company was good, and after a few beers and an assload of meat we took off to look at shoes and rent a movie.

    OK, I know I've harped on this before, but I think I remember someone saying this movie wasn't all that bad, so I rented it.

    Hey, thanks for fuckin me Jinxy. As if Syriana didn't put me in the hole enough.

    I love the fitted buckskins.

    You know what part I found the most offensive was though? What really pissed me off?

    The Presence of Tropical Parrots

    The quick scene back at the camp with the tropical parrots. You probably don't even remember it, but it almost made me barf up a bunch of meat and beer. Yeah, for about one and a half seconds, they showed a couple Indians playing with two tropical parrots. In Virginia. In the 15th century. You're kidding me right? I guess you're gonna try and convince me that this small band of Indians had trade-routes down to South America? Or maybe you're going to tell me that bright orange and green parrots could survive there without getting taken the fuck out by a slew of birds of prey that would love nothing more than a brightly colored birdie to fly around in the darkened woods. I guess they'd survive the winters too? Get real. I'm so mad right now I can barely type.

    I also thought the Indians in the movie acted like retards. I'm sure they were trying to portray them as unspoiled, childlike, and noble, but in the end they just came off looking retarded. Am I saying Indians were/are retarded? No. Am I saying they looked retarded in the movie? Yes. Also, did the Indians back then always wear body paint? Were they able to do nice mono-chromatic fading? Did they have some sort of primitive dirt-airbrush? Shit.

    They say "God is in details". I'm tired of being insulted!!!

    So to make a long story short, I'm not doing so well on movie credibility with the significant other*. I think that buying LOST was a move in the right direction cuz she liked that a lot, and now makes frequent references to being attacked by "The Others" while walking down the street, which never gets old to me... but I need some movie advice, people. I need a ringer. A sure shot. Help me out here. Something that's out on video in Japan.

    So that's my life right now. My biggest worries include renting ethnographically incorrect/insulting movies and losing at backgammon. I'd say life is pretty good. Oh, and I'm going somewhere nice next weekend. Somewhere warm and sunny. Somewhere that starts with H, ends in I, and in the middle sounds something like "awai". I'll keep you updated.

  • * y'all know I used those words for comedic value. She's my girlfriend.


    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    "this video is funny on so many levels..." except that you didn't link to a valid link...

    4:45 PM  
    Blogger Paul said...


    7:18 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Ok, even I knew that movie sucked and I didn't see it. Good movies I've seen lately that I think you'll appreciate:

    Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
    Little Miss Sunshine
    Just Friends (f'ing hilarious- Ryan Reynolds in a fat suit- what more could you want?)
    I can send you some Curb your Enthusiasm dvds if you want- I have all the seasons
    Inside Man wasn't bad
    Netflix is currently sending me all of the episodes of Grey's Anatomy- great show
    Scrubs is also out on dvd
    Let me know if there's anything you want, and I'll send it to you!

    -Your sister

    10:16 PM  
    Blogger brando said...

    I watched about 20 seconds of that video. As soon as I saw her body posture and the flag, I pretty good idea of what they were all about. Maybe she's not sure what hezbo does.

    I wouldn't bust on her for her public speaking too much tho. Just the content.

    10:41 PM  
    Anonymous brando said...

    "two tropical parrots. In Virginia. In the 15th century."

    You can take your anthropology degree and go wreck someone else's movie.

    Even if you study geology, I don't want to hear that Airwolf can't land in an old volcano. It can. Every time.

    12:28 AM  
    Anonymous cory said...

    A New World was not only internally inconsistent, but the extremely shitty editing made me wonder what the hell was going on nine or ten times in the movie. Smith is exploring the woods with like 10 other dudes and then suddenly he's alone, in a swamp, with plate armor on. I'm serious, its like one second someone's complaining about the indians in the high grass, and the next he's in a completely different biome hip-deep in water and wearing armor. Totally amateur editing.

    I was excited for that movie too. Crapsters. But I am now looking forward to Mel Gibson's Apocalypto coming out Dec. 8th. I don't care what you say about the man, but he sure makes viscerally-pleasing blood-drenched movies, and this one's about the fall of the Mayan civilization, and ripe with human sacrifice!

    As for suggestions, I second Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, its a good (albiet kinda wierd) movie. I also recommend picking up the first season of 24 if you haven't seen it. Mary and I started watching those and now we're on Season 3, and they're great. Jack Bauer is the toughest federal agent ever. But most of all if you haven't seen it, I'd pick up Equilibrium starring Christian Bale for a little dystopian future gun-fu. Highly recommended.

    2:28 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    Roger, will check out Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. As for the editing on A New World, I'm sure they were trying to be artsy, but yeah, it went from a bunch of stinky brits bitching to Colin Farrel frollicking in a field, arms akimbo, gazing up at the clouds with weird pederastic visuals. wasnt that girl like 14 during the filming?

    Brando: Anthropology and Ornithology are pretty different. Now git real!

    ps: "Gun Fu"? Are you fucking kidding me? It also contained internal errors, unless Taye Diggs (spelling?) wasn't taking his medication. The whole basis for that movie was a little silly. The only reason I'll be nice to it is cuz I *heart* Christian Bale and Taye Diggs (spelling?).

    7:43 AM  
    Anonymous cory said...

    Also if you're into buying/renting seasons of shows (like Lost), also let me recommend the first season of Prison Break. Very excellent.

    As for "The whole basis for that movie was a little silly." You're absolutely right, Prozium and "sense offence" is a pretty stupid basis for a movie, but Bale jumps into a circle of dudes wielding machine guns and takes them all out with pistols and karate chops in the first ten minutes. As long as they keep that up (which they do), they can make a movie about "Viagrizum" and "Claritinizum-D" as far as I'm concerned. And I think the point was that Taye Diggs's dosage of Prozium wasn't high enough, he even mentions that sometimes he considers asking for a stronger dose -- he's against "feeling" even though he doesn't realize he's "feeling hate for feelers," or something. I think that's so you don't feel bad when Bale kills the main dudes (they aren't on the drug but are still buttholes so we know they're eeeevvviiiillll). Whatever. Its a good movie.


    12:55 PM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    yes, ive heard much about this prison break you speak of. tell me young cory, may i be so bold as to anticipate, eeeeh, how you say, some shower scenes, in the first season? may i be so bold as to say, eeeh, how must i put this, not so much the DVD, but, eeeh, perhaps, the DVDA?

    i await your response.

    1:15 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    The movie makes me want to throw a sticker on my backpack saying, "fuck Palestine."

    The "free Palestine" student group I walk past everyday on the way to class would love it.

    4:31 PM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    they dont need your support -- theyre fully capable and have a proven record of being able to fuck themselves given the opportunity

    i think the student group would appreciate it tho. they might even give you a 1st hand display of how peaceful their religion is.

    5:38 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    the movie still sucked

    1:26 AM  
    Anonymous Tony said...

    Ok Paul I have can help you out with the parrot thing a little. Right here in my neighborhood in Chicago we have a flock of about 25-40 bright green parakeets running around wild. The first time I ever saw them was about 4 years ago. They were sitting in a tree over a sidewalk, in the the middle of February. And to be honest, it scared the shit out of me. I've never seen anything seem so out of place. I just kept thinking,"how are those things alive?'. Apparently they've been around here for years. I still don't know how though.

    As for good movies to rent. I'm going to start with some slightly older movies because if you haven't seen any of these you need to: Wedding Crashers, 40 year old virgin, and Crash. I like Crash because I found myself laughing a lot and then thinking,"wait, I shouldn't laugh at that". Those kind of movies are great.
    As for more recent movies I have to second the "Inside Man" recommendation as well as any season of 24. And, although I haven't seen it, my wife said "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" was really good.

    3:12 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    tony-- they're probably feral. no, not like the feral boy in Mad Max... someone probably left their aviary door open and there was a widescale prison break. i think there's a block of parakeets (budgerigars -- the $15 kind you can get at petshops) flying around in florida or somewhere, but they're native to australia. same story -- someone left the cage door open. feral birdies have more chance of survival because along with they themselves being introduced, there are a lot of food sources that humans have brought that wouldnt have been introduced otherwise. and maybe warm spots that allow them to survive during the winter? either way, if north america were typpically habitable by varieties of brightly colored parrots, they'd be everywhere.

    7:48 AM  
    Anonymous Tony said...

    The ones in the movie were Carolina parakeets which have been extinct since the 1920's but were native to the area during the time in which the movie was set. Do I sound smart? It's only because I followed the link a few replies up. The entire link didn't paste so I just searched "New World" when I got to the site. It turns out they were being very historically accurate. And it looks like you're going to be eating some crow Mr. Smartypants.

    "either way, if north america were typpically habitable by varieties of brightly colored parrots, they'd be everywhere."

    --flawless logic Paully but unfortunately you are dead wrong sucka... ha, ha.

    I like to make fun of you about this because I would have responded in exactly the same way if I had seen that piece of crap movie. But I didn't so now I can talk about it like you're stupid...stupid.

    Oh yeah, and you're right about the Chicago parakeets. Rumor has it they were released in the '80's by a pet store owner who went out of business. It was still really freaky the first time I saw it.

    8:09 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    Hm, Tony. We're going to have to agree to disagree. For now. By the time you finish reading this though, you're going to have to agree to agree with me, and to eat my Muscle Milk (tm) produced stool.

    Here's the thing:

    I was obsessed with parrots and all things avian throughout middle-school and highschool. I even ignored the jeers and comments of my classmates, subscribing to Bird Talk magazine, which I read openly on the bus.

    If you'll noticed my rant, I said The Presence of Tropical Parrots. I recognized the birds in the movie as being tropical parrots that aren't extinct yet, and was rightfully outraged. The parrot that used to live on the east coast, as seen here, is not what was shown in the movie. Obviously. Cuz it's extinct. The real version was much less bright than the one shown on screen, which I think it was a type of conure. I can't remember though, because it was only on screen for a second and I blacked out from shock. When I came to, I had temporarily deleted the memory, but it came back to me sometime later.

    Maybe I'll give them credit for trying to be accurate and throwing in a piece of espoteria, but here's the thing: No self-respecting bird expert on set would allow something like that to happen. At least I don't believe they would. That'd be like a "monkey expert" allowing a monkey with a prehensile tail to be filmed as an indigenous species in Africa. What probably happened was someone said, "Hey, I heard somewhere that there were parrots out here," and they grabbed the nearest parrot. Or, better yet, they just threw em in there cuz they thought it would be cool. They probably used the same "expert" that gave them their Prada buckskins.

    Fuck. Why do I care anyway? Ugh.

    Anyway.. How's that? I offer you a protein shake, via my colon.


    8:59 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    ps: I think I need to give the movie peeps a little more creidt, then, and admit that maybe the bird expert on set had their shit together a little bit. After doing some more digging, it turns out that Carolina Parakeets were a form of conure, so if the birds on screen were conures, good show. I'd like to thank you for being as historically accurate as possible, though quite off, and making people like me feel really smart about myself, for recognizing it as a conure. Still, it's a little bit akin to passing a bonobo off as a common chimp. Kind've one of those "well, most people wont notice, so fuck it" type things. I realize though that hey, you only have so much to work with, conures being extinct and all, and these guys in hollywood are a bunch of assholes. You have my sympathy.

    9:06 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    whoops. "conures being extinct and all" = "Carolina Parakeets being extinct and all"

    9:07 AM  
    Blogger Hoss said...

    Is that Colin f'ing Farrell in that movie? Is it?

    Plese don't make me lecture you about seeing any of his movies, I just got calmed down about the whole Syriana thing (and you should be pissed at Jinxy).

    If ya wanna pass some quality time start checking out Deadwood. The more you watch, the more you will like...I wouldn't steer you wrong, ahem, like someone else.

    Just DO NOT watch it with your girl. The English language is explored at some entirely new levels that may not make her comfortable.

    10:09 AM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    Hm, she's beel picking up a lot of my bad habits, so I probably shouldn't watch it with her. For instance, she's recently been fond of saying, "...that's bullshit" when she finds something disagreeable. I'm still working on her with the correct usage of "fucking," which eludes most non-native speakers of English. While attempting to imitate a mugger, she said "..give me fucking your wallet", so I corrected her. Maybe Deadwood would be a good way to teach her the fundamentals?

    10:16 AM  
    Blogger brando said...

    I still have to say that Firefly is about as good as it gets.

    Quantum Leap was pretty good too.

    11:52 AM  
    Anonymous newton said...

    Get season 2.0 and 2.5 of Battlestar Galactica and the Proposition, it's a western set in Australia.

    1:59 PM  
    Anonymous Tony said...

    "I even ignored the jeers and comments of my classmates, subscribing to Bird Talk magazine, which I read openly on the bus."

    I laughed out loud at this. You road the bus... what a loser.

    Brando's right about Quantum Leap. It's on in the mornings in HD so I always end up sitting and watching it and then being late for lab. It's awesome.

    10:50 PM  
    Blogger Paul said...

    well, yeah, but it was a cool bus. it was more sleek and aerodynamic (shorter in length) than the other ones, and had all manner of hydraulic lifts on it. safety was key, so we all got wear helmets to and from school, but most of us left them on during class because safety is important everywhere.

    7:26 AM  
    Anonymous Tony said...

    OK, I laughed out loud. That was good.

    7:40 AM  
    Blogger Bonita said...

    INJINS ROCK!! that's all i have to say about that....

    12:53 PM  
    Blogger Jinxy said...

    You're welcome. You know you loved it.

    "Long live the intifada!"

    5:24 AM  
    Blogger Hoss said...

    "..give me fucking your wallet"

    HA! That's hilarious.

    11:11 AM  

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