Tuesday, September 19, 2006

South Asian Men are Hi-Layree-us!!

I really get a kick out of these guys. Nothin makes us white devils scratch our heads and think, "huh?" more than Asian men.

I like saying "Asian men" when referring to Pakistanis and Afghans because it's such a silly concept. That's like calling an Egyptian immigrant and African American. Yeah, he's from the African continent, and he's American, but get real. The fact that people would get really upset with me for saying something like that gives me a serious case of the giggles. I had a really liberal rhetoric teacher in college. She said that we could only say "African American" if the person was from Africa and descended from slaves. One time I was in her office and she referred to an author as a "person of color". I said, "Oh, I didn't know she was black." She repressed a gasp and said, "She's Jewish." I said, "Jewish people are people of color?" and she puffed out her chest and proclaimed, "...the Holocaust saw to that." (meaning that they can't be considered white, for some reason). I understand why she thinks that, much in the way that I understand why fundamentalists act like assholes. Understanding isn't condoning. In any case, racial labels like that are interesting. Another thing I like to say to people is "Mexicans are really good Marines". People aren't sure how to respond to that. They want to get mad at me for generalizing, but at the same time I'm paying people with Mexican heritage a really high compliment. Oh, how to be offended? What to do?!?!?

I've said it before on here and about a million times over on Brando's little spot on the innernet, but a lot of the symbolism that these Asian men use also rates high on my giggle-scale. Namely the destruction of KFC. We all know that these fellas are really big into symbolism, and that sneezing on a copy of the Koran is more grave than gang-raping women as punishment for minor infractions. Here's a pic I stole from HotAir.com.

I like the strategically placed bucket. Gotta love them stringers.

While they probably see the defilement of Colonel Sanders as some sort of military victory over a famous Soldier, it's pretty high on the 'whatever' factor for me. But some things, well, some things are just taken too far:

What the hell? How are you gonna burn Ronald McDonald? I took this picture, by the way. Yeah, I was there. I added a little speech bubble for what my buddy Ahmed was saying:

Can you believe that?!?!

And look at his buddy Mehmet there in the background. Know what he was saying?

This is an outrage!!! I'm going to take my shoe off and smack a copy of the Koran with it! I feel this will thoroughly display my outrage and somehow excuse the fact that I have no concept of what a job is!


I wonder when these dudes will realize that Americans don't give a shit if they destroy McDs and KFC. In fact, most American hipsters would high-5 them. Don't our Asian brothers know that McDs and other fast food chains are a symbol of American corporate imperialism? Oh wait, they do, which is why they don't like us. Not because they're ignorant, sociopathic, sexually repressed xenophobes rallied together by religious leaders with similar social disorders. Hey fellas, check it out: Wanna piss Americans off? Succeed. Do well. Show us that you're not pieces of shit. Community leaders can stand up and not tolerate this bullshit because it reflects poorly on them, not on the USA or the American people. That'd "show us" a lot more than burning a ceramic statue of a redheaded clown, you assholes.

Anyway, I've been pretty disappointed with Pakistan lately because they're proving me right. I've been running around for the last couple of years talking about what a poser country Pakistan is. It seemed like every 6 months or so they'd nab a terrorist and be like, "Look at what we are doing for the GWOT! Oh, nevermind that enormous chunk of land that we have no control of, nor a populace of people who hate you." And now they've pulled troops from Waziristan and released 2,500 prisoners. Hmm, wonder where those guys will head? Now they can stage attacks on Kabul and feel totally justified about it, because they don't see themselves as being responsible for their actions. The Cindy Sheehans of the world will make excuses for them and openly hope for their success, then blame the "neo-cons" the next time one of these whackjobs hits a world-trade-center-like homerun. Thinking about the possibilities in Pakistan and the aforementioned horsepucky seriously gives me the butterflies. I also think it's funny when G-Dubya talks about establishing a democracy in Pakistan. I can't think of a more horrible idea.


Ugh. Americans are so blissfully ethnocentric. I'm just waiting for the dam to break and hope I'm somewhere safe when it does. *shudder*

Oh, on a more serious note, here's a picture of me feeding pizza to Joe's ass this weekend in Austin.


Blogger brando said...

You had a good thought going, then you have to haul off and feed pizza to an ass.

Great. Your blog is ruined.

The universe is ruined.

I actually laughed out loud at the phrase "I hit with stick." Would it be wrong of me to say that I get a huge kick out of Arabs going bonkers? I don't think my source of laughter is going to abate anytime soon. They sure can bring the absurdity.

Where was that picture taken? Do you ever sleep?

11:55 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

well i want my reader (you) to understand that i dont really take any of this seriously. i mean, besides the part about the potential (imminent?) disaster waiting to explode in pakistan. i take that seriously because it scares the bejesus out of me.

then i think about feeding pizza to joe's ass and everything seems a-ok. (that pic was taken in austin tx)

12:47 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

oh, and the "I hit with stick!" comment was pretty much put in there for you, cuz i know you get a kick out of shit like that (i do too). like, what else could that guy be thinking besides that? "clearly it is I who am the most outraged. watch as I hit the burning clown with a stick!" those guys have the facial expressions down too. i honestly cant think of anything that would make me have facial expressions like these guys do. i guess i outgrew facial contortions when i was like 8.

12:53 PM  
Blogger brando said...

I love the outrage pictures. They always seem to be a parody of an outrage picture.

How dare you say that Islam is violent? To refute your claim, I will murder a nun working at a hospital. That will show our true colors.

I wonder how they can take themselves seriously?

This I do know; Joe had better take that pizza seriously.

1:16 PM  
Blogger brando said...

So if Waziristan is no longer part of Pakistan, and that's where al queida and some taliban are, then what's the hold up? Let's get those MOABs working.

We won't have to worry about pissing off Pakistan, because it's a completely seperate country.

And someone can get their Marine Expeditionary Medal, for going to a "new" place.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

Well, it's still Pakistan, it's just not necessarily under Pakistani law. I think of the whole area like a giant Indian reservation, where they can rule by their own tribal law (default punishment: gangrape). The Pakistani gov't can be all like, "You guys are free to rule yourselves under Sharia, look how nice we are" when in reality they couldn't control the area even if they tried, so they can not even try and pretend like they chose not to. That worked until it came time "fight terror" out there and there was nothing they could do.

Maybe I'm too generous though. A lot of Afghans think that the Pak gov't could do more, but they just choose not to. That sounds pretty likely too. It isnt in that regime's best interests to piss off the people any more than they have to, and cruising around Waziristan carpet bombing a buncha super Islamic purists (read: whackjobs) would upset the city folk.

Am I talking out my ass or what? Someone correct me if I'm completely off base here.

3:30 PM  
Anonymous Tony said...

You're probably off base Paul but I wouldn't have the slightest idea and given the intense enjoyment that I got from the images of a burning Ronald McDonald being beaten with sticks by crazy people I'm going to believe you 100%. That's how my brain works. People who make me laugh speak the truth.

Is there anyone that doesn't think a burning clown is hilarious especially when it's being used to make a political statement. After they did that did they go inside and load up on quarter pounders and fries?

An even funnier thought occurred to me just now. My lab window looks out no a street that has a Ronald McDonald house where families of sick children stay while their kids are in the hospital. I think it would be an even more appropriate political statement if they were burning Ronald McDonald in front of a place like that. "Damn you clown. Damn you for providing an inexpensive place to stay for families of very sick children. You cannot control us suffer the wrath of Allah. Die".

Do these people go home feeling like they've just done the work of Allah? They're probably pissed the next day.

"Damn, I've got a serious case of the munchies let's go get us some of that original recipe magic"

"Dude, we burned down the KFC yesterday"

"Shit. Well maybe we should go kick the shit out of a kid wearing a Mickey Mouse sweater. Down with America"

2:29 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

That reminds me of how I always got a kick out of the clothes people would wear in Afghanistan. I saw a guy wearing a U of Iowa sweatshirt there. I always wondered how that sweatshirt found its way to Kabul.

9:24 AM  
Blogger brando said...

I saw an Iraqi soldier wearing a Hawkeyes t-shirt. That's really weird. I wanted to how he thought his school's football team was going to do this year. Did you have a class with Professor Baron? Don't you think the renovations on the old capitol look nice?

Answer: Jibbli?

Man, I wish I had my camera that day. That would have been an awesome picture.

11:21 AM  
Blogger Jinxy said...

Hee hee hee! I hit with stick.

9:34 PM  
Blogger mikey said...

First of all Paul, you have yet to outgrow making facial contortions. Secondly, I am quite proud that you are wearing the ninja-t in that photo. You dun me proud.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Hoss said...

"I hit with stick"


9:38 AM  

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