Monday, July 24, 2006

Yo-ho-ho and a Bottle of Olive Oil


What's up?


Ok. What do you want?

I have a question.


What happens to milk when it expires?

I dunno, why?

Well, I have another question.

Fine, get on with it already. I'm tired of your stupid games.

Where do Japanese women go when they, eeeeeh, how you say, pass their "sell by date"?

I dunno, where?

They come here. To my building. All of them. And work. And wear crazy shit.

That's right everyone, my building is full of older Japanese women who ought not be dressing like they do for a number of reasons, chiefly because they're not 23 years old.

You see, it's a matter of positive reinforcement. I'm not psychology major, but I certainly know what negative reinforcement is. Here's an example:

"Hey Yuriko. If you wear that ridiculous outfit one more time, make sure to bring a flame suit 'cuz you're gonna get launched."


"Hey Miki, when you wear those clothes, you look like a whore. An ugly one. An old, ugly whore. Icks-nay on the ore-hay ear-gay. Ok?"

That would never happen though. Never ever. You can't just run around telling people you're going to launch them or that they look like whores. The world doesn't work like that, and I understand that. However, the opposite is what is occurring. Guys who are older than they are, married, and probably haven't spoken with their wives for some years, treat these women like they're princesses. Like they're hot shit. The result is that we have these older women dressing inappropriately and acting snooty. That's all I'm trying to say. I walk round my building sometimes, mouth agape, and not in a good way. I say things to my co-workers like, "Wow, if I were their supervisor, I'd put my foot in their ass," but they look at me with an over-exaggerated look of patience and understanding and say, "Oh, but it doesn't work like that. They'll simply pull out the regulations and do some word-smithing."

God bless unions. An organization that is held captive by its employees has a bright future. Just ask the [former] workers of the steel belt, I guess.

OK, that aside, I want everyone to know that I did some cultured shit this weekend. Yeah, this knuckle dragger went to the Louvre exhibit in Ueno.

I can't even spell "exhibit". I spelled it "exihbit" before I spell checked it, that's how much of an Australopithecus I am. I didn't know what to expect, maybe some homo-eroticism, which is exactly what I got, but in a good way. How is that you ask? Well, it was a Greek statue exhibit!! I actually felt a little bit smart, being able to provide some background on a lot of the statues. While I'm not exactly a Greek historian, I know enough to sound mildly informed to those less informed than myself, which is really the limit of any and all ambition that I possess anyway. Everyone's a winner! Unfortunately, there were no descriptions written in English, just French and Japanese. Since I couldn't be bothered / lack the ability to read either of them, instead I silently (or maybe I was doing it aloud?) cursed the French for being such jerks. I also cursed them for hoarding so many Greek artifacts. Who do they think they are, hoarding artifacts and not writing descriptions in English? The nerve. I also cursed the Japanese people at the exhibit for behaving as if they were at a zoo. Listening to people yammer and children scream kind've takes away from some of the amazing shit they had there, like this:

It's Soh-crates!!!!!!!

Play-doh was there too!

And don't forget about this crazy son of a bitch:

Looks nothing like Colin Farrel.

Just as gay though.

As if my weekend weren't badass enough, I saw the Pirates of the Carribean movie yesterday, and let me tell you, I was thoroughly entertained. If Maximus had been there in the theatre shouting, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!" I would have shouted back with a resounding, "I HEREBY RESPOND WITH AN UNEQUIVOCAL 'YES!!!' I AM, INDEED, ENTERTAINED!" Even the Japanese people in the movie theatre were reacting. That was amazing. Usually I'm the only one hootin' and hollerin' like a jackass in the theatre. Like in Kill Bill, every time someone got beheaded or after that fight scene in the restaurant when everyone was staggering around moaning, I was the only one cackling in the whole theatre. In any case, I think a long lost genre of movie has been resurrected here, and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm not sure what the critics are saying about it, but they can blow it out their asses, because I finally felt I got my yenny's worth.

That's all I got here. For those of you wondering what old whores, Greeks, and piracy have in common, well, if you don't understand it, there's no use in 'splainin' it to yah.

Exchange of the Week:
Coworker: I can't stand her. She slept her way to the top.

Me: That's kind've fucked up. Doesn't she seem a little old?

Coworker: No, I mean she took frequent naps in the office and got promoted.

Me: Wow...


No whoreish Japanese 40-somethings were harmed in the making of this blog. Any similarity in name or discription is strictly coincidental. Furthermore, 90% of what is written above is complete bullshit and nonsense. so don't get all froggy on me, w3rd?


Blogger brando said...

Alright Frogster, I know this is going to sound nitpicky, and it probably is, however, if you insist on using specific behavior modification phrases like "positive/negative reinforcement" and/or "positive/negative punishment", then don't use them the exactly opposite to their definitions.

Although it doesn't sound nearly as cool, what you're talking about is "positive punishment".

8:35 AM  
Blogger Paul said...


after i wrote this i went to and looked up negative reinforcement, because i knew we had some psychologists in the house who have been sharpening their knives ever since i wrecked their X-files viewing experience.

unfrotunately, i couldn't be bothered to make the correction...but suffice it to say, i accept and humbly yield to your comment... but once again, i regret to say that i still simply cannot be bothered to correct it. =)

9:16 AM  
Blogger brando said...

I rarely correct folks when they use the popular definition, because, well, people don't really like to be corrected. I think that your attitude is extremely refreshing, btw. Another reason is that it usually isn't worth it, and I know what they mean, even if they aren't using the correct words.

Feel free to say "You can take your psychology degree and go wreck someone else's blog."

I actually love the behavior modification definition, because it's so neat and clean. If the behavior goes up, then it's reinforcement. If the behavior goes down, it's punishment.

I once had a girl tell me that it was scientifically proven that negative reinforcement doesn't work.

I had absolutely no idea what she meant, and she wouldn't define her terms.

Oddly enough, giving money to small children, often punishes behavior. Weird, huh?

12:24 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

small children and bedouins

1:19 PM  
Blogger Jinxy said...

It's spelled Xzibit.

Pimp your ride, yo.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous abolishing the old said...

Your comments about the older sexy-dressing Japansese women are funny.
In fact most of your posts and entire writing style is funny.
I'll be there in late September. Hopefully I'll find a fellow round-eye like yourself who keeps it real to hang with..

Incidentially...I can only assume that you're studying Shotokan or something?

Am I correct?

6:19 AM  
Blogger Bonita said...

i love that you can't spell exhibit, but you can spell Australopithecus. you're my hero.

1:29 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home