Clash of the Trite-ans

I know some of you might think I'm -a- living in a cave and that I'm behind the times, but I saw Syriana for the first time last night, I feel obligated to write a post about it.

I know it has nothing to do with Japan, but I saw it in Japan, which makes it a valid post for this blog.

Here's my review:
It sucked.

It was a contrived, two-dimensional film with contrived, two-dimensional characters. It was trite. I was trightened. The writers spat trite game.

Let me begin by saying that I find it offensive when actors get political. Actors are famous for being actors, not politicians, but they exploit the enormous audience they have to wield influence over people who, for some reason, think that their [the actors] opinion matters or counts. Their actions and accountability are disproportionate, and they're not made responsible for their words. Let me axe you this, ye religious watchers of E!:

Did it ever occur to you that an actor's job is to be something they're not? Did it ever occur to you that there might be, I dunno, some bleed over into their reality? And that making 15 million dollars and being given god status in society might make them, eeeeh, how you say, a little off?

I would like to think that the movie was well done, but again, it was contrived. I'd say the introduction was close to two hours long, after which anyone with half a brain "figures it all out" and probably feels pretty proud of themselves. "Ah, but of course!! I've figured it out because of my geo-political savvy, and because oil companies are eeeeeeviiiiilllllll!" No. You figured it out because it was a two-dimensional story, and they led you to where they wanted to lead you. I didn't even see any of the previews, but it was obvious from the beginning (when they made the announcement about the Pakistanis losing their jobs) that the kid was gonna be a fucking terrorist. It was obvious when the kids were playing soccer and the friendly, helpful dude too them under his wing that he was singling them out to go boom at some point in the film.


....next point.........
Newsflash, shitheads!!!

Nebulous stories involving CIA operations with unexplained, "shady" backgrounds is not a substitute for movie content!!!!!! Just because most of the viewers will sit there and say, "Wow, the CIA is so secretive and evil, I have no clue what the fuck just happened, but hey, it's the CIA, it's how they roll...did I mention they're evil?" doesn't mean it holds water or that it supports the plot. Shit. Just thinking about it renders me speechless, or if nothing else gives me some strange, rage induced case of Tourette's. Shit. Ass. Bob Saget.

The hypocrisy is what really makes my stomach hurt. I'd be curious to see how much petroleum based fuel products were burned for energy during the production of a movie "showcasing" how America does business in the Middle East. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that they weren't carpooling to and from the set in using bio-diesel or hybrids. I'm curious to see what kind of lifestyles these people live, how much energy their houses consume, and what kind of shit they buy, all the while criticizing the lavish lifestyles and frivolous spending that has become a trademark of Arab Royalty. "Oh my gawww, those Arabs are so gaudy and wasteful! Check out my chihuahua's new necklace!!"

I'm a little surprised that the Jews weren't somehow thrown in there. How on Earth could you make a movie about middle-eastern turmoil and not mention Israel!?!? Oh wait, I forgot, Hollywood is controlled by John Lovitz and his crew of Jüden co-conspirators from a secret armored cave behind the Hollywood sign. Sure. My point here is that the best part about seeing movies and new stories that are clearly agenda-driven is to see what parts they're omitting, and why. They're very selective about who they're willing to offend, and offending a huge number of your countrymen who have bankrolled your lifestyle and supported you and your career is more attractive than pissing off a bunch of already pissed off people in the middle east. "We need to be careful, we don't want to upset a bunch of peasants in Peshawar. They'd spaz out and become insurgents and it would be our fault. They could attack our troops, and we support our troops!! Oh, Bushitler is a terrorist by the way." How about making a movie about ignorant, power hungry clerics who manipulate, use, and send the uneducated and naive to their deaths? How about instead of blaming nameless, faceless, demonized institutions and governments, we hold accountable those who can make a difference, step up, and change things? Why not talk about this kid's life story?



Does he really have a chance?

How about this one?



Clearly the result of the oil companies and secret Zionist societies who control everything..

Maybe in the new movie, they could throw in some backwoods hillbilly buggery and institutionalized misogyny for good measure? No no no, can't do that. It's much more fun to portray good looking, family oriented, hard working, down-on-their-luck kids who "have no where else to turn" but suicide bombing. Why take a dump on people who have no one to blame but themselves, when you can take a dump on your fans, your way of life, then use the bill of rights for toilet paper?

Ok, that was a little dramatic, I admit.....but that's how I roll.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe it's because I saw this movie and spent most of the time being irritated or mildly offended. I'm not insulted because of the content, I'm insulted because of how it was presented, and the pretenses the film was made under. I just wish all of this agenda driven passive-aggressive "psh, see what's happening?" bitchery bullshit would stop, and I'm mad at each and every one of you for not warning me about this movie.

More later, jerks.

ps: